Tuesday, 30 September 2008

Firebombs and The Jewel of Medina

Bloody fanatics.

Bastard terrorists are at it again. Have you ever noticed how free speech ends when terror abounds. Now the bloody fanatics are trying to stop THAT book again - by terror.

Contentious book

Police are questioning three men about the firebombing of a British publishing house after declaring it was prepared to publish, The Jewel of Medina, by Sherry Jones. Unless you've had your head buried in the sand, you'll already know the contentious book is about one of the wives of the Prophet Muhammad .... So what? Have they never heard of free speech?

The men, aged 40, 22 and 33, were detained on suspicion "of the commission, preparation or instigation of acts of terrorism." A spokesperson said the police had acquired authorization to hold them without charge until Oct. 5. They should hold them indefinitely!


The suspected terrorists were found outside the north London home of Martin Rynja, managing director of publishers Gibson Square, after the house, which is also the publisher's offices, was set on fire. Thank goodness no one was hurt.

The firebomb was apparently shoved through the letterbox. It's a pity the terrorist's fingers didn't get stuck and burned instead.

The bastards want locking up and the key throwing away.

Real Costa Blanca - Exploring The Real Spain
Lens Coating - What Everybody Ought To Know
Writing Story Dialogue - 12 Cool Secrets

Saturday, 27 September 2008

Stressed plants, asprins and Prince Charles!

Bedlam Humour

Researchers have found that stressed plants can produce a chemical similar to aspirin.

The National Centre for Atmospheric Research, Colorado, released the news recently that scientists from the Centre suggest the substance, produced as a gas, enhances the plant’s biochemical defences. Researchers discovered the chemical by accident whilst observing plant emissions in a Californian walnut ....

I suppose plants enjoy a bit of pampering when stressed out, in a similar way to people who reach for pain relief. The thing is, they create their remedy all by their ownsome... no chemist shop for them.

So there you are. Next time you have a headache, forget aspirins, give the geraniums a bit of hassle, take a deep breath, and you’ll be well away.

Way to go, is this cool ... I've just realised, Prince Charles knew exactly what he was doing when he  talked to plants. Hangovers perhaps ....

*** Prince-Charles Prince-Charles Prince-Charles ***

The shit hits the fan in San Antonio!

The US City of San Antonio disclosed an agreement on Tuesday, which will make it the first U.S. city to squeeze methane gas from human waste on a industrial level, turning poop into fuel.

I guess the good citizens of San Antonio will soon be flicking on their power switches and cooking by gas .... or should that be crap?

The intenstinely challenged San Antonio residents produce about 140,000 tons a year of poop, which, according to the chief operating officer of the city's water system, can be converted into gas.
"You may call it something else," Steve Clouse commented, “But for utility services, the by-product of human waste - methane gas - will soon be burned in their power plants.”
Power plants? Don’t power plants have turbines .... don't turbines have fan blades? Is this where the shit REALLY hits the fan?

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

Book signing session


A great big thank you

to those readers who stopped by at the mass book signing session on Saturday, 20th September, at Ondara. If you were one of them, I hope you weren't disappointed.

My thanks to my publisher, Libros International, for setting up the marathon session, and to Bookworld España, for supporting it.

Promotion work is always a long slog, but making yourself available to the great reading public has to be a good thing.

I met many interesting people, chatted, had a drop of champers with them and a nibble or two. My wife found one or two stores that persuaded her to purchase a few items of stock. So I guess, all in all it went well.

It was also good to meet other authors, all of whom were part of the promotion, and to meet all the publishing team. It isn't often you end up face to face with the head of submissions, or your editor, or editor in chief, or the head of operations, or design team. A great experience!

But at the top of the list, my thanks go to you for reading my work. Thanks to you all.

Real Costa Blanca - Exploring The Real Spain
Lens Coating - What Everybody Ought To Know
Writing Story Dialogue - 12 Cool Secrets

Monday, 22 September 2008

WIthout Reproach now stocked in Bookworld España

I'm chuffed to little monkeys!

'Bookworld España', the English bookshop chain in Spain, prominent throughout the Costas, have decided to stock my novel.
Without Reproach is now available to touch and hold in mainland Spain.

So if any of you good people are on holiday in Spain , here's your chance to browse, then maybe pick it up for a beach read.

Thank you Bookworld!

Real Costa Blanca - Exploring The Real Spain
Lens Coating - What Everybody Ought To Know
Writing Story Dialogue - 12 Cool Secrets

Sunday, 21 September 2008

Elephants, drugs and Amy Winehouse

Maybe there's chance for Amy Winehouse after all.

It seems that a four-year-old bull elephant has put several years of drug abuse at the hands of illegal traders on back-burn, thanks to a rehabilitation period on China's island province of Hainan.

After three years on a detox program and twelve months of methadone shots at five-times normal human dosage, the elephant was weaned off heroin. The dose was gradually decreased until he was completely off the drug.

So there you are Amy Winehouse ....
.... are you listening? If an elephant can be cured, so can you. Just get your arse off to China and let them have their wicked way with you. Just stop saying, "No, no no!"

I love your singing, I love your songs; please stop being a prat. You’ve got the chance; you’ve got the money billions of people would love to have. Use your time wisely or you might not have much left .... I'd hate to lose all those songs you could be singing!

Saturday, 20 September 2008

Sarah Palin name generator.

I came across this on the net. Thought it might tickle your fancy.

Just in case you're on tenterhooks, wondering what Sarah Palin would have called YOU, if you'd been her child, then take a look at this fun post. http://politsk.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah_13.html .

Real Costa Blanca - Exploring The Real Spain
Lens Coating - What Everybody Ought To Know
Writing Story Dialogue - 12 Cool Secrets

Friday, 19 September 2008

Fish in boy's penis

Sometimes I find things on the internet that are absolutely incredible. This little gem, made me squirm.

Consultants ministering to a 14 year old boy from India were stunned to find a 2cm long fish in his bladder. It had apparently slipped in through his penis (http://www.practicalfishkeeping.co.uk/pfk/pages/item.php?news=1773 ).

Through his penis? Ouch. My eyes water for the poor little bugger.

The patient, who was admitted to the clinic with painful, trickling urine, and acute urinary retention, gave an interesting explanation.

Particulars of the circumstance, which was acknowledged in The Internet Journal of Urology, divulge that the patient claims the fish "slipped" into his penis while he was cleaning his aquarium. It seems he had it in his hand when he decided to go for a pee. The fish then'slipped in'.

Hang on! Who goes to the loo still holding a fish? Who actually holds a fish whilst they pee? Something sounds strange here. Was he experimenting?

Whatever, it's a nasty thing to happen. I don't suppose he'll bother doing it again!

Real Costa Blanca - Exploring The Real Spain
Lens Coating - What Everybody Ought To Know
Writing Story Dialogue - 12 Cool Secrets

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Car seats and sperm count

Men who take pleasure in warming bums on heated car seats should watch out. They might just be scorching their possibilities of fatherhood. Scientists are now afraid even a minor rise in temperature might be sufficient to impair sperm count.

Long Spells.
They also say sitting in car seats for long spells, even if you don’t have it heated, is known to raise temperatures, and that might mean YOUR temperature is lowered!!!

The advice seems to be, cool it, man!

Research implies that couples could take longer to conceive if the man is in his car seat for more than 3 hours a day. Wow, think motorways!

Fine advice if you’re looking for a contraceptive, tough shit if you aren't.
On the other hand, if you're a promiscuous male, the possibilities are mind-blowing. Just think, a woman in every town, heat your car seat to maximum, and .... Well you get the idea.
End of - Car seats and sperm count
Anthony James Barnett - author of Without Reproach.

Monday, 15 September 2008

Steve Vander Ark and Harry Potter books

Steve Vander Ark, the infamous author who jumped on the JK Rowling bandwagon and published the book “Harry Potter Lexicon”, lost the legal battle to print the book due to copyright violations.
He has bravely, or perhaps foolishly, written another book called “In Search of Harry Potter.”
He seems determined to make money out of Rowling, one way or another. He apparently travelled throughout Britain, calling in on all of the areas indicated in the Harry Potter books, then wrote his account. J.K. Rowling's agents are asking for an advance copy of the book to make certain this book does not break copyright violations like his first book did.
Steve Vander Ark replied to the request saying, "This is my own writing about my own experiences and I can’t imagine there will be any problem with this book.”
Peter Tummons, the managing director of Steve Vander Ark’s publishing house, put his pennyworth in by saying, “This is a travel book . . . written in full by himself after his travels . . . There is nothing in it that would cause any distress.”
Making money out of the hard work of other people pisses me off. The word parasite springs to mind. Writers sucking the blood out of other writers, are nothing more than leeches.
Why doesn’t he bugger off and write his own best seller?

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Publicity for book signing at Ondara

I've just spent a few hours designing and printing three different sizes of notices to publicize the fact I’ll be taking part in the mass book signing at Bookworld España, Ondara shopping centre.

I shoved the large ones in bars; medium sized ones in several shop windows, and the small ones….

….The small ones, I spent an hour or so stuffing small ‘flyers’ into about 60 newspapers in Jalón, Alcalalí and Parcent, before they were picked up. I also posted about twenty or thirty into letterboxes.

I’m about to drive to Bookworld to see if they’ll allow me to leave a container of bookmarks, as well. A week to go, so a few bookmarks with my name and novel on, might just be the right time to nudge people and help them remember!

I just hope after all this someone turns up.
I’m going to feel such a dib if I’m sitting there all on my lonesome!

Next post, Lauren Conrad.

Friday, 12 September 2008

Lauren Conrad signs book deal!

Lauren Conrad

It just had to happen, didn’t it!

Lauren Conrad has just signed a contract for three books with publishing house, HarperCollins. Talk about spin-doctors making hay! What will they think up for her next?

She's writing a young adult fiction series called LA Candy. Apparently, it's centred on her own extraordinary evolution.
Lauren said, "I've always loved books that I could lose myself in, ones that would transport me to another place, but had characters I could relate to. I'm so excited to have this opportunity to write books like that for other readers."

Well whaddyer know!

HarperCollins say the company is preparing up for a best selling series.

Bugger! I hate it when celebs muscle in on our world. Why don’t they stick to their own patch? We writers have a bad enough time selling books without bitches crowding the house.

"I've never seen a new project generate noise like the instant buzz that swept through our offices around this deal," said Elise Howard, Senior VP/Associate Publisher of Fiction, HarperCollins Children's Books. "'The Hills' and Lauren Conrad are household names among our staff, and their popularity is even higher among the teens who are our readers."

Isn’t everyone fed up of her yet?

I wonder who'll really be writing the books. Wish they’d contacted me.

Next post, Barack Obama.


Thursday, 11 September 2008

Barack Obama is this the end of the road?

Will Obama's latest insensitive gaff, cost him the presidency? I couldn't believe my ears. I think he must be a prat of the highest order.

Barack Obama's "lipstick on a pig" remark fell easily from his tongue, prompted perhaps by Sarah Palin's own remark about lipstick distinguishing a hockey mom from a pit-bull. But, whatever the cause, will it spell the end of Obama?

It isn't necessarily the crass remark itself, bad as it is, but the other things that might fall from his tangled tongue. What Americans have to remember, is the mess-up he can cause if ever he takes supreme power. Which formidable toes might he tread very heavily upon? It might be an old saying from where he comes, but words can be misconstrued, he should know this. He should learn diplomacy.

Politicians really ought to engage their brains before speaking. This man clearly hasn't learned how.
What sort of daft shit is he to make the remark? Is he totally mad?

I rather suspect the man's politcal career has just ended. Still, it's better to find out now, rather than when he hold a class 'A' nuke in his hand!

I think he's just handed Sarah Palin and John McCain, the job on a plate.

Next post, geckos.

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Cliff Richard and my wife. Fifty years in showbiz

We've just been watching 'Loose Women' on the TV.

Cliff Richard
Sir Cliff Richard was the guest, talking about his incredible fifty year showbiz career. He shared his early fears and qualms, saying his first gig at Hanley, Stoke on Trent, made him really, really, nervous.

My wife
Wow! What a revelation. Guess what. My wife, Valerie, was there, but didn't even know Ciff Richard had never been on stage before, so he must have been the ultimate professional, even way back then.

I can't get over it, Cliff Richard's first gig, and Val was present. She recalls every detail, even down to the fact that he kept a comb in his back-pocket, which he took out several times and swept anxiously through his hair. She's talked about it several times, but never realised it was his first gig.

I wonder if he remembers the comb? I wonder if he remembers Val? She was the brunette with the single blonde streak, 10 rows back, third from the left. She had a loud voice.
If you read this, Sir Cliff Richard, please let me know!!!

Next post, book signing.

Monday, 8 September 2008

Grand Ondara book signing

I just want to let you know about a forthcoming grand book signing event. It's on 20th September.

An incredible sixteen authors, will be available to talk, and sign books at 'Bookworld España', in the new shopping centre at Ondara, Costa Blanca. I don't think there's ever been so many authors signing at one place before.

Out of sixteen authors there's bound to be one whose book you're dying to read, and you can have it signed by your favourite author...

I shall be signing between 11:30 and 12:00.

Please remember, it's 20th September.

So if you're anywhere near, please come along. I'd love to meet you.

Next post, scrap metal.

Scrap metal and dumped cars

Following on from an earlier post, where I mentioned four abandoned cars in the village car park. Last night whilst visiting one of my favourite restaurants, I parked against a further two abandoned cars.

It seems to me there's a golden opportunity here for some enterprising soul to set up as a scrap metal dealer. I can't say I've ever seen one around, but there certainly seems to be a need for one. Maybe it's never been an issue in Spain in the past, perhaps its only since the influx of ex-patriots? I have no idea.

Wherever you see a bin area, you're almost certain to find dumped cookers, microwaves, fridges. So why doesn't someone set up in business. It would do everyone a power of good. It would help keep the area clear of dumped metal, it would give some enterprising soul a good living.

Come on guys, there must be some scrap metal dealers out there. Set up. Help us out.

Next post, Britney Spears.

Sunday, 7 September 2008

Britney Spears lost her virginity at fourteen

Some parents are crazy beyond belief.

According to her mother, Britney Spears began drinking at 13 and took drugs at 15, and opposite to Britney’s celebrated declaration that she would “remain a virgin until marriage”, the pop singer was bonking at the tender age of 14. Virginity gone, lost forever. Maidenhead, no more.

Bonking at fourteen? What's going on?

Her mother, Lynne Spears, makes the assertions in a book, ‘Through The Storm: A Real Tale of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World’, which is to be released soon.
It pisses me off when people who have a “name”, jump on the bandwagon and make a fortune with ‘scribbling’, whilst real writers can’t even scrape a living.

In the eye-opening statement, Lynne Spears reveals that her daughter popped her virginity with her 18- year-old boyfriend, at just 14 of age.
How did she know? And if she did know, why was it allowed?

Lynne says she had in fact, supported the association because she believed it would make Britney more popular.
More bloody popular! Popular, my arse! What kind of mother thinks things like that? Aren’t mothers supposed to be protective? I know if I’d suspected my daughters had been playing at nooky at that age, I’d have blown my top.

In the book, Spears says she has misgivings for consenting to her daughter dating an older boy. However, she then discloses she also permitted Britney to share her room with another boyfriend, Justin Timberlake.
Allowed them to share a bloody room? What the hell is going on here? Is this woman in her right mind?

Lynne Spears added that she was sure the teenagers were having sex.

If she was so sure, why did she allow it to happen? What sort of mother is she? We’re talking about a fourteen year old girl, here. Encouraging sex with a child? This woman wants prosecuting.
But we all know that instead of being prosecuted, her bloody book will sell millions. Is there no justice? It's no wonder Britney Spears has problems. It seems to me they're family induced!

Car parking is anathema to the Spanish

Yesterday, I needed to pop down to the village, about 1.5 kilmetre away. I overlook Jalón, on the Costa Blanca, Spain, - a lovely spot.

By pop down, I mean in the car. Not that I'm against walking, it's just when I'm working, I want the pop-down to be quick. I went into the car park and took the last space. Wow, talk about luck!

Now, the car park issue over here, is a bit of a red-rag to me. There were two adjacent car park lots in the village, but just as the number of people in the locality swelled due to new urbanizations, (sanctioned, and encouraged, by the local council of course, - more income), the council took away the largest car park and allowed a medical centre to be built on it.

So, more people, less parking. Doesn't make sense does it, not to logical people at any rate.

Back to yesterday. The car park was full, but there were four abandoned cars on it - ignorant bastards. So I counted myself lucky to grab a spot. I then walked into the village centre, where there are a few other car parking spaces. These are ususally filled quite early, so I tend not to bother with them.

What did I find? Lo and behold, three of the car spots were taken up by empty chairs and tables, spilling over from a café.

Why is this sort of thing allowed. Car park spots seems to be anathema to the Spanish.

It's the same where ever you go around this area. Calpe, Javea, Benissa, Denia, go to any of these places, and where car park spots used to be available, there are now building sites. If you knew the area a few years ago, you'd think you were visiting a different place.

When are they going to realise that building blocks of apartments, brings in more people, who need more car park spaces. I sometimes think the council officials over here are as thick as shit.

Next post, you've been framed.

Saturday, 6 September 2008

You've Been Framed

I don't know if I shall be making another guest appearance on tonight's, "The Funniest Ever You've Been Framed", but I've been included so many times, it's become ridiculous.

I suppose I could claim to be a Television Star, - except no one would know who the hell I am.

The clip of me first made it's appearance probably twelve or fourteen years ago. I'd ungraciously fallen off my collapsing plastic chair, yet spilled not a drop of precious Drambue from the glass in my hand. It's been broadcast regularly ever since.

For two whole seasons, it featured every week on a rotating mug, advertising, 'Maxwell House Coffee', at the opening of the show. So all in all it's becoming a grande-dame of clips.

Six years ago, an ex work-colleague emailed that he'd been in a hotel room with a young woman, when I appeared on the TV show, and it made him collapse with laughter. I think he blamed me for the lack of nuptials that night!

I went back to the UK for a visit about four years ago, and my ex-neighbours saw me and shouted that I'd been on "You've Been Framed", yet again, just a few moments earlier, and that they'd seen it dozens of times now, and would I kindly let someone else have a chance!

Last year, I had a note from the TV presenters, to say once more, it was going to be inlcuded in this season's line up.

How many more times will it be thrashed? I feel quite the star. I just wish I could capitalise on it, grab some publicity, use my appearances to sell more books or something!

I also wish I had royalties, but, like all "You've Been Framed" clips, I received a one-off payment of 250 pounds stirling. Yet, I suppose I should think myself lucky. The amount hasn't increased over the years, so it isn't exactly a fortune at the moment, not when you take depreciation into account.

Whatever, I guess I'll be tuning into the tele tonight to watch "You've Been Framed", to see if I'm still falling off the same old chair, on the same old balcony, just as my wife says, "Happy Holiday!".

The next post is, podcasting.

Friday, 5 September 2008

I've gone Podcast crazy! Pod-blogs here I come.

In case you haven't noticed, I've made it into the audio world.

I've now made my blog available as a podcast. You can can listen to it on your computer, direct from the top of the post, OR subscribe to it in the left-hand column, - and listen to it on your iPod as you walk around.

I've also made my RSS available as a full blogpost for the sake of the podcast. I apologize if some of the earlier blogs are shortened versions in your podcast, but from now on, all new ones should be complete broadcasts.

Hope it makes your life easier and my blog more enjoyable.

My next is Stoke's Top Talent.

Thursday, 4 September 2008

Lucy Dennis, Stoke's Top Talent

My friend's daughter, Lucy Dennis, is appearing at the Regent Theatre, Hanley, Stoke on Trent, performing in "STOKES TOP TALENT".

After the slog of struggling through many auditions, she's been voted into the semi final round on Thursday 4th Sept today at 19:30hrs. She is the third act.

The Grand Final is on Saturday 6th . If she fails to get through tonight she will have to rely on the public vote via internet to arrive at the final.

Can I ask you all to take time and look at the web site, watch her perform and copy and paste the links to your internet web page address.

If you can't view, why not send the links to your home email. Or just vote for her anyway. Please, please, send the links to your friends and family.

http://media.thisisthesentinel.co.uk/?id=4930#link Sample of Lucy singing

http://i.thisis.co.uk/274136/binaries/TalentVote.html Vote for Lucy

Next post

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

My interview on 'STAND'

I've just been interviewed on STAND, written by Cindy Price. Take a look and tell me what you think.

Cindy was a little shy about me being on her blog because, as she put it "My blog isn't read by many people". I told her, ANY publicity is good, and that I'd love to be on her blog. Thank you, Cindy, thank you for letting me into your circle of friends.

They say people need to see your name several times before they venture to buy your book. So all publicity is good. In fact ANY publicity is bloody fantastic. I wish every person who had a blog, no matter how small, would give me a slice of exposure.

Just think there must be a couple of million of those little blogs out there read by ten or more people. If I could appear on every one, what a fantastic boost that would be.... ten million people seeing my name, wow!

The terrible things is, if I were a murderer, my book would become an immediate best-seller, such is the power of the TV and public exposure. I only have the internet to go at. So any of you out there who fancy splashing my name on your blog, go ahead .... I'm here .... available, take me and do with me as you will !!!

Every single person who sees my name is one more person who MIGHT just pass on my name, and so on. They call it going 'viral' nowadays. It's about the only virus I fancy catching.

Next post

Monday, 1 September 2008

Stephenie Meyer and the mysteriously 'leaked', Midnight Sun

Isn't she beautiful, isn't she a talented writer, yet has Stephenie Meyer gone over the top this time?

Is she still upset at the adverse comments on her last book, or is this for real? Stephenie suddenly lost her marbles and threw her latest book, the sequel to last screwed-up attempt, to the wind.

In an unheard-of occurrence, vampire-loving author, Stephenie Meyer suddenly terminated her famous Twilight book series after the final episode appeared mysteriously online – but was it so mysterious after all?

An unedited version of Stephenie Meyer's Midnight Sun became freely available ahead of time. How is that possible? My manuscript could never be available without my knowledge, how can hers?

It was apparently nowhere near complete, and had numerous typing errors and unfinished passages. Meyer was so infuriated she abandoned the entire project, even though the book was to be the final one in her fashionable series about vampires.

The trouble is, her last book flopped. Fans were outraged at the way the story went, so is she afraid of this flopping too? Is this her way out?

Writing on her own website, Stephenie told her remaining teenage fans, "I have a good idea of how the leak happened as very few copies of Midnight Sun left my possession and each was unique." She continued, "Unfortunately, with the internet, it is easy for people to obtain and share items that do not legally belong to them. No matter how this is done, it is still dishonest".

Meyer afterwards forwarded the unfinished manuscript onto the internet herself, saying, "This way, my readers don't have to feel they have to make a sacrifice to stay honest".

I think I’d have been pissed off as well, especially if I earned the sort of money she does from each book. To be honest, I’d be happy with 1% of her success. I just wish I knew how she did it.

Come on Stephenie, give me a few hints, let me in on your secrets. How does your publicity campaign operate? Or is this still part of the ongoing publicity?

Turtles march on Italian restaurant

About sixty confused newly hatched sea turtles recently found their way into a south Italian restaurant . The baby turtles marched amongst the tables of startled diners at the beachside restaurant.
I wonder what the diners thought? Were any of them eating turtle soup?

The baby turtles had hatched on a beach in the southern Italian region of Calabria and lost their way. They were collected by conservationists and later released into the sea.

Female sea turtles nest on beaches and their offspring normally head to the sea after hatching from their eggs - maybe they were feeling hungry and wanted to get their own back.