Thursday 26 August 2010

BAD NEIGHBOURS AND COUNCIL TAX

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Bedlam - Humour

Jack Chambers has sent another joke -

A proposed council tax-evaluation policy will mean reassessment of current house values which will mean they will charge us more if we live in a nice area.

That ought to mean discounts for those of us who live in rough areas.

There is a huge house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of irritable dogs allowed to run without leads. Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing. To the best of my knowledge, she has never worked.

Her bad-tempered old man is notorious for racist comments. A shopkeeper blamed him for arranging the murder of his son and his son's girl-friend, but nothing has been proved.

All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay.

Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out partying in nightclubs. It is not known if they have the same father. They are out of control.

I hate living near Windsor Castle.


Thanks Jack. Love it....

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Thursday 19 August 2010

A little bird flying south

Bedlam - Opinion
Good old Ed Goldstraw from Leek, in Staffordshire, has sent me another joke.

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Brilliant, Ed. Thanks for that. Keep 'em rolling.

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Saturday 7 August 2010

Bedlam Humour: The old couple want to get married

Bedlam humour
Ed Goldstraw from Leek, in Staffordshire, has sent me another joke.

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively.

"I would like it infrequently," she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"


Thanks Ed. Good one....


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Monday 2 August 2010

The Irish confessional

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Bedlam - Opinion

Ed Goldstraw has contributed another laugh line. See if you like it....
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, 'Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either.'

I love it, Ed. Thanks.

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