Sunday, 31 July 2011

Britain Helps Everyone Except It's Own Pensioners

Bedlam - Britain Pissed Off

Here's a post from Jack Chambers - one I'm sure we all agree with and identify with.

Oh BRITAIN, where did we go wrong?

We're "broke" and can't help our own Seniors, Veterans, Orphans, Homeless etc.? Are you aware of the  following?
The  British Government provides the following financial assistance:  -

BRITISH OLD  AGED PENSIONER (bearing in mind they worked hard and paid their Income  Tax and National Insurance contributions to the British government all  their working life)   Weekly allowance: £106.00   
IMMIGRANTS/REFUGEES LIVING IN BRITAIN (No Income Tax and National Insurance contribution whatsoever)   Weekly allowance: £250.00  

BRITISH OLD AGED PENSIONER Weekly Spouse allowance: £25.00   

BRITISH OLD AGED PENSIONER Additional weekly hardship allowance £0.00    
ILLEGAL  IMMIGRANTS/REFUGEES LIVING IN BRITAIN Additional weekly hardship  allowance £100.00  
A  British old age pensioner is no less hard up than an illegal  immigrant/refugee yet receives nothing


Please read all and then forward to all your contacts so that we can lobby for a decent state pension. After all, the  average pensioner has paid taxes and contributed to the growth of this country for the last 40 to 60 years. 

Sad isn't it?   Its about time we put our own people first.

Jack - we're all pissed off with it. The Government have forgotten their own people. Shouldn't charity begin at home. What have immigrants contributed to the welfare of Britain. Piss them off until the pensioners can have a proper deal of their own.

These people should have proper care and assistance, but NOT more than Britain's own people who have contributed all their lives. Something is wrong. Something evil is taking place.


Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Text codes for the more mature

Bedlam humour
Ed Goldstraw sent this joke:
The kids all have their little SMS codes, like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. SO, here are some codes for the more mature ..............

ATD - At the doctors

BFF - Best friend's funeral

BTW - Bring the wheelchair

FWIW -  Forgot where i was

FWIA -  Forgotten where I am

GGPBL - Gotta go, pacemaker battery low

GHA - Got heartburn again

HGBM - Had good bowel movement

CRS - Can reccomend Sennacot

IMHO -  Is my hearing aid on?

WAITT - Who am I talking to ?

GGS KI - Gotta go Sennacot kicking in
Brilliant, Ed. I love it.

Tuesday, 12 July 2011


Bedlam Humour

Another joke from Ed Goldstraw...


Over five thousand years ago Moses said to the children of Israel "Pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land."

Nearly 50 years ago, Harold Wilson said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land."

Then Gordon Brown stole your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the promised land.

Now David Cameron has loaned my shovel to a third World country, (he hasn't realised yet that WE are a third World country), raised my fuel bills, lent my money to a crowd of incompetent, greedy "merchant bankers" and increased Vat to 20%.    

I am so depressed last night I called the Samaritans and  they diverted my call to a call center in Pakistan.  I told them I was suicidal, then they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck

Lol, too true...... Hope it doesn't offend too many people....

Looking for a good read? Try:-

Past Sins - Contemporary fiction

Friday, 8 July 2011


Bedlam - Humor

Here's another selection from Ed Goldstraw, of Leek:


 Here is the definition:
 "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is
 surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."
 "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

 Ok, so now enjoy!

  1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
  3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
  5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
  6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
  7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
  9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
  11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
  13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
  15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
  17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
  21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
  22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
  23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
  28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
  29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
  30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

 Thanks Ed. I love 'em

Looking for a good read? Try:-

Past Sins - Contemporary fiction

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Kylie Minogue Laid Bear?

Bedlam Humour 

Ed Goldsraw is an absolute mine of laughter. He's just sent this picture and caption:
Kylie Minogue Laid Bear...
The Picture That Will Stay With Kylie Minogue For The Rest Of Her Life

Make-up and Hair style.............$500.00
New Dress for the show............$70000
Giant Stuffed Bear......................$300.00

Not knowing how to hold the bear with a microphone in your hand ..........Priceless!

Beautiful, Ed. Pictures like this come but once in a life.....

For your next Kindle book why not try Short Stories

Next post - Bedlam Humour: Cardiologist, mechanic

Monday, 4 July 2011

The Cardiologist and the Motorcycle Mechanic

Bedlam - Humour

Ed Goldstraw has sent another joke

The Cardiologist and Motorcycle Mechanic
A motorcycle mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from a Harley-Davidson when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, 'Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?'
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, 'So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it works just like new. So how come I make $40,000 a year and you make $1,700,000 when you and I are doing basically the same work?'
The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic... 'Try doing it with the engine running'

Brilliant joke - Thanks Ed

Next post - Bedlam humour: In The Mood