Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Amy Winehouse, a bit of a dog

Bedlam comment.

Trouble seems to dog AMY WINEHOUSE!

Amy has now been forbidden to take in any more canines after infuriated management at the resort where she’s staying had to FUMIGATE her St Lucian home.

The disgraced singing sensation, living at the luxurious Cotton Bay Resort complex on St Lucia, had been adopting any old dog she found hanging around – building up quite a few members to her pack.

However, the crude kennels looked like giving problems and resort management had to step in for hygiene reasons.

The administrators became worried that a flea outbreak could occur which would affect other holidaymakers and the reputation of the holiday complex.

Subsequent to telling Amy Winehouse that she could no longer keep animals in her quarters, they thoroughly cleaned her suite as well.

Jeez! If someone had to clean MY place up for me, I’d be mortified.

What the hell would her home be like if she was like you and me, and had no one to clean up after her? What sort of dump-hole would her house become? You see slums where-ever you go in the world - would her home be one of them?

Come on Amy, get your act together. You've had a terrific break in life - I love your singing, I love your songs - for God's sake be grateful for what you have - stop squandering it.

*** Amy Winehouse, Amy Winehouse, Amy Winehouse ***

End of post - Amy Winehouse, a bit of a dog

Monday, 29 June 2009

Joke - The Essex girl and the Lady

Bedlam - humour.

This is a joke from Brenda and David Regnard.

The Essex girl went to the clinic with her newborn for the first time. A rather posh looking lady sat by her side. After a while the lady introduced herself, telling the girl that this was her third child and she was to be called Samantha, Amanda, Fawcett.

The girl smiled politely and said, "That's nice innit."

The woman carried on, "For my first child my husband gave me a diamond necklace as a gift for being so clever."

To which the girl replied, "That's nice innit."

"And for my second child, he gave me a fur coat."

The girl nodded politely, "That's very nice, innit."

The posh lady was well into her stride now. "For this child he's taking me on a cruise."

The Essex girl smiled again, "That's nice innit."

The posh lady said, "And has your husband given YOU something for the birth?"

"Oh yes", the girl said, "He bought me some elocution lessons."

"Oh, and have you learned anything from them?"

"Certainly," the Essex girl said. "I've learned to say 'That's nce innit', instead of f**k off."

Thanks Brenda and David. Send some more...

End of post - The Essex girl and the Lady.

Saturday, 27 June 2009

Weeping False-Pepper

Bedlam - False Pepper....

I'm in mourning for my beautiful weeping false-pepper tree.

Inspiration for part of the novel, PAST SINS, my tree has spread it's roots too far. The previous owner planted it too close to the villa. It showed signs of heading for the foundations, so it had to go.

Here are a few shots to show what I mean.

My beautiful false-pepper tree

So regal, so majestic....




Oh well. I suppose I'll just have to get used to it....and the wood will keep us warm over winter.

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

The statues and the angel

Bedlam - Humour.

Thanks again to Fred Ashford for sending in a joke. Typical stuff from a Staffordshire lad.
Two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the Shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left,'Would you care to do it again?'

He asks her 'Shall we?'

She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions."

The angel allows a brief smile at their almost human response.

The staue continues, "Yes. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head.'

Thanks again Fred. Keep 'em coming.

  • Next post on Tell Me a Story.
End of post - Joke - The statues and the angel

Joke - The rich tourist

Bedlam - humour.

Thanks once more to Fred Ashford for this contribution.

It is the month of June, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.

When the tourist is out of sight, the hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The Butcher accepts the 100 Euro note with good grace, and goes off to repay his own debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer is overjoyed to have the money, grabs the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of feed and fuel is amazed to have his money yet knows he has debts, so takes the 100 Euro note and goes to pay his debt to the town prostitute that in these hard times, gave her services on credit.

Because of the payment, the hooker finds she has just enough money to pay what she owes. She runs with the 100 Euro note, to the hotel to pays off her debt for the rooms she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor raises his brow with respect, then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms saying he did not like any of the rooms. He picks up his 100 Euro note and leaves town to look for a better place.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly how the United States Government got into the shit.

Very clever, Fred. It seems to me that it might be true of all Western Society at the moment.

End of post - Joke - The rich tourist.

Monday, 15 June 2009

2010 - Chinese Year of the cock

Bedlam - humour.

Thanks to Fred Ashford for contributing this little gem.

Is this a sick coincidence or what?

2007 - Chinese Year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese Year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese Year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe, and is passed on to humans.

It gets worse........ next year......

2010 - Chinese year of the Cock – I wonder what will happen???

Well done Fred. Keep 'em rolling.
I might take next year off....

End of post - 2010 - Chinese Year of the cock

Sunday, 14 June 2009

A rare event.

Bedlam - photo shoot.

We have an ugly little cactus / succulent in the garden. We have several types actually, but this one in particular is worth a mention.

It does nothing for most of the year except look fat, ugly, and dejected. Then for a mere 3 hours of one day it will perk up and display beautiful flowers. If you don't catch them in the morning, you're too late, they'll be gone by lunch.

I thought you might like to see a couple of photos I captured of the rare event.

I have no idea of the name of the plant. It was one of a number we purchased from the rastro about eight years ago as tiny diddly things no bigger than a thumb. If anyone recognizes it, I'd love to know what it's called.

End of post - A rare event.

Monday, 8 June 2009

The Wheelchair Grandma

Bedlam - humour.

Thanks to Fred Ashford for emailing this joke. Keep 'em coming Fred.

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. 'STOP!,' he shouted in a firm voice. 'Have you got a license for that thing?'

Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. 'OK' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted 'STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?'

Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said, 'On your way, Ma'am.'

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his 'You-Know-What' in his hand. 'Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel, 'Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again'.


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End of post.

Quirky ideas

Bedlam - Quirky

Do you have a great idea but can't afford to market it? Think you can make a difference to the world with your invention but don't have a clue how to go about it?

This site might be the answer to your prayers - Quirky Inc. Take a look at this and let me know what you think.

End of post

Friday, 5 June 2009

Hawaiian Party on the Costa Blanca

Bedlam - comment

A gang of us have decided to join forces in 'bottle & plate' parties. Basically we take it in turns to host a theme party at our villas.

Each couple takes sufficient food and drink for two people - but we advise what we're taking to avoid duplication. The result is a lovely buffet of tasty food to share without the host going to a lot of effort - and a lively party results.

The latest party was held at Anita and Vic's villa at Alicalí, the theme - an Hawaiian evening. Great stuff.

Here are a few pics to show just how daft we can be:-

Hope you enjoyed our little show.....
End of post - Hawaiian Party on the Costa Blanca