Friday, 31 July 2015

Newspaper Adverts

Bedlam Humour

This is from Joyce and Roy Critchlow, Newcastle under Lyme

Genuine classified advertisements which were placed in UK newspapers
Free - Yorkshire Terrier. 8 years old. Hateful little b......! Bites.

Free - puppies. Half Cocker Spaniel, half sneaky neighbour’s dog.

Free - puppies. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

For sale - Heifers, never bred. Also one gay bull.

Joining nudist colony, must sell washer and dryer, £100.

Wedding dress for sale. Worn once by mistake.

For sale by owner - complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Thursday, 16 July 2015

The Greek Mayor

Bedlam Humour

Here's a joke from Gina and Malcolm Shenton of North Wales
Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece.
The mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor, he wondered aloud how on earth he could afford such a house.
The Spaniard replied: ‘You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to construct a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end, I could build this place.’
The following year the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek mayor's house: gold taps, marble floors, diamond doorknobs, it was marvellous.
When he asked how he’d raised the money to build this incredible house, the Greek mayor said: ‘You see that bridge over there?’
The Spaniard replied, “No”.