Sunday, 27 August 2017

Poem - Daftland

Beldam Humour

Joyce and Roy Critchlow have sent a brill poem


We live in a country called Daftland
The England we knew is no more
Where sensible people do ludicrous things
Or risk breaking some Daftland law.
In Daftland we've police dogs with muzzles
Less the villain has cause to complain
And to steal from a shop and say 'sorry'
Means your free with no stain to your name.
You had better leave lights on in buildings
When you lock up and go home at night
'cause the burglars might hurt themselves entering
And there's no way you'll be in the right.
When speaking be wary in Daftland
As some terms that you've used all your life
Now have connotations unintended
And you'll end up in all sorts of strife.
We elect politicians in Daftland
To give us the laws of the land
Yet eight laws in ten now come from abroad
The whole thing has got out of hand.
The borders are open in Daftland
And of migrants there's no keeping track
Just a few of the thousands illegally here
Will ever be caught and sent back.
The exception to this is the hero
Who fought for this land in the war
He's old and he's sick, he might cost us a bit
So he's not welcome here any more.
When the history is written of Daftland
Historians may just recall
That the craziest people in Daftland
Were the public who put up with it all.

Tuesday, 15 August 2017

Silly One Liners

Bedlam Humour

Here are a few one liners that might tickle your fancy...

...The dead batteries were given away, free of charge.
... The local dentist and manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
... A will is a dead giveaway.

Monday, 14 August 2017

A little humour

Bedlam Humour

Here's another joke from Joyce and Roy Critchlow

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
And then of course there was the thief who stole a calendar who got twelve months.

Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Life's Journey

Bedlam Humour

Here's another joke from Roy Critchlow of Newcastle, under Lyme

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

Saturday, 11 March 2017

The Club Member...

Bedlam Humour

Joyce and Roy Critchlow have sent in this joke

Three ladies are playing the fourth hole at a very private golf club when a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green.
The three ladies stand in awe at the size of his manhood. 
The first lady says, 'He is definitely not my husband.'  
The second lady gazes at his manhood and says, 'He's not my husband either!' 
After a very considered inspection, the third lady finally says, ' He's not even a member of this club'