Thursday, 24 December 2009

Joke - Should the UK adopt The Euro?

Bedlam  Humour

Thanks to Fred Ashford for sending me this joke.

A cross-section survey of 50,000 people in the UK, made up of Afghans, Albanians, Pakistanis, Indians, Poles, Iraqis, Somalis, Bosnians, Turks, Moldovans, Latvians, Lithuanians, Bangladeshis, Ethiopians, Russians, Congolese, Zimbabweans, Portuguese and Nigerians were asked if they thought Britain should change its currency to Euro.
99.9% said no, they were quite happy with the Giro.

Great one, Fred. Thanks. Hope no one is offended, but if they are - tough shit. We like it don't we.

Next post - Bedlam Humour: The Frisky Husband

Monday, 21 December 2009

Joke - The frisky husband

Bedlam - Humour

Thank goodness for John Evans. You can always rely on him for a laugh,
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm, his usual 'starter for ten'.

The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'

The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. 'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'

Good one....Thanks John

  • Next post on Bedlam Humour: The Hotel Lobby.

Saturday, 12 December 2009

Joke - The hotel lobby

Bedlam Humour

John Evans has been kind enough to send in another joke.
A man bumped into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he did so, his elbow went into her breast. They were both quite startled.

The man turned to her in embarrassment. 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'

She smiled coyly. 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221...'
Very funny. Thanks John.

Next post on Bedlam

Friday, 11 December 2009

Joke - Mohammed's first day

Bedlam - humour.

Jack Chambers has sent another joke. Haven't heard from him for a while. Hope there are more to come.

Mohammed was fresh to the area. He entered his brand new classroom. “Hello there. And what's your name?” asked the teacher.

“Mohammed,” answered the kid.

“We're in Australia and there is no ‘Mohammed’. How about we change it to fit in. From now on your name will be ‘Bruce’,” said the teacher.

In the evening, Mohammed returned home. “How was your day, Mohammed?” asked his mother.

“My name is not 'Mohammed'. I am an Australian and now my name is 'Bruce'.” he said proudly.

“Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to disown your parents, your heritage, your religion?" She said. "Shame on you.” And she beat him. Then she called his father and he beat him too…

The next day Mohammed returned to school. When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, “What happened to you, little Bruce?”

“Well Miss, you won't believe it. Just two hours after becoming Australian, I was attacked by two f=cking Arabs!....”

Thanks Jack. Love it. Hope it doesn't offend.


Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Joke - Paddy in a fight

Bedlam - humour.

John Evans has sent in another joke from his huge repertoire.

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have
had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "A shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "You should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

Thanks John. Look forward to more from you.


Thursday, 3 December 2009

Joke - Murphy's babies

Bedlam - humour.

Thanks to Elsie Smith of Leek, Staffs, for sending in this joke.
Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.
He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said, 'Hey, Murph! You just had you a son. Ain't dat grand!'

Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, 'Hold on. We ain't finished yet!'

The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, 'Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter. She is a pretty lil ting, too....'
Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, 'Hold on, we aint got done yet.'

The doctor then delivered another boy and said, 'Murph, you just had yourself another boy.'

Murphy said to the doctor, 'Doc, what caused all of dem babies,?'

The doctor said, 'You never know Murph, it was probably somthing that happened during conception.'

Murphy said, 'Ah yeah, during conception.'

When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, 'Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.'

She said, 'Yeah, I remember dat night...'

Murph said, 'I'll tell you,'s a good ting we didn't use WD-40.'

Lol Elsie. Thanks for sending it in. I look forward to your next joke......

Adult romance - WITHOUT REPROACH by Ellie Jones