Saturday, 31 July 2010

Ian Huntley sues for £100,000

Short Moments: Heartwarming Short Stories
Writing Dialogue In A Story - 12 Cool Secrets
Cool Secrets For Cement Render And Block Walls

Bedlam - Opinion

The vile Soham killer, Ian Huntley, is trying to claim compensation for being attacked in prison... and the final bill to taxpayer could be £1m.

What a load of b*llox.

Soham killer, Ian Huntley, is demanding almost £100,000 in damages after he had his throat slashed by another inmate.

So what!

As far as I can see, it's just a shame the attack wasn't successful. It would have saved a load of money keeping him fed and clothed ....

What about Huntley's victims?

... And talking about compensation, why don't the courts sue Huntley for £10,000,000 for their deaths? Keep him in jail until he can pay up - make him do manual work to earn money for the compensation ..... The bastard....

In fact why don't courts make ALL criminals pay compensation to their victims and keep them locked up until they can...

Next post

Friday, 30 July 2010

Dinner In A Fine Restaurant: - Joke

Bedlam - Humour

Ed Goldstraw has sent in another joke

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking an order at another table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned as if she hadn't even noticed.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared.

The waitress went over to the table and whispered to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. My husband just walked in the door."

Great stuff Ed. Love it.....

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Ellie Jones - writer of Mummy Porn 

Saturday, 24 July 2010

Pack your stuff

Short Moments: Heartwarming Short Stories
Writing Dialogue In A Story - 12 Cool Secrets
Cool Secrets For Cement Render And Block Walls

Bedlam - Comment

Elsie Smith from Leek, has sent in more jokes:-
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'
So he tied her up and went golfing.


A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said,
'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
'Whatever you feel like. It doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'


Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

Great, Elsie. Keep 'em rolling

Next post

How to make compost

Short Moments: Heartwarming Short Stories
Writing Dialogue In A Story - 12 Cool Secrets
Cool Secrets For Cement Render And Block Walls

Bedlam - Comment

How to make compost - The big green compost machine

One of the simplest ways to begin your ‘green’ adventure is to recycle your kitchen waste, and it doesn’t cost a fortune to start. It saves shoving your kitchen waste into the bin – which saves time, effort, and money on the part of the recycling bins collection service – but best of all, enriches your garden with natural goodness. So start composting.

Friday, 23 July 2010

Women and sweet tea

Bedlam - Humour
Jack Chambers has sent another joke.

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten Black and Blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

Love it, Jack. Ladies will probably hate it.

Next post

Friday, 16 July 2010

Oxo Cube supporting England

Short Moments: Heartwarming Short Stories
Writing Dialogue In A Story - 12 Cool Secrets
Cool Secrets For Cement Render And Block Walls

Bedlam - Humour

Here's another contribution from Ed Goldstraw of Leek, Staffs.
Oxo are introducing a new white Oxo Cube with a red cross on it in support of the England team.

....It’s called the laughing stock

Good one Ed.... Thanks

next post

Thursday, 15 July 2010


Bedlam Humour

John Evans sent this joke.

A Florida businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation.

The man there said, 'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except...the Voodoo Penis!'

The husband said 'The what'?

The man repeated 'The Voodoo Penis' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo. The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'

The man then pointed to the door and said, 'Voodoo Penis, door!'

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much that a crack began to form down the middle.

Then the man said 'Voodoo Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.

The husband bought it. He took it home to his wife and after the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Voodoo Penis.

She undressed, opened the box and said 'Voodoo Penis, my crotch.' The penis shot to her crotch.

It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off. So she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the hospital. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road

A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, the woman said 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me...'

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah right...Voodoo Penis, my ass...!'

The rest, as they say, is history . . . . .

I love it, John. Just my sense of humour.

Thanks for sending it in.

Morning Sex - joke

Bedlam Humour
This joke has been sent in by Victoria at the RESTAURANT PARAISO in Parcent.

She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As he walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'

His eyes lit up and he thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.'

Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her 'T' shirt still around her neck.

A little puzzled, he asked, 'What was that all about?'

She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'

Thanks, Victoria ~ brilliant!

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

Sex And The Need To Use Good English

Bedlam - Humour
Well I'm just back from a couple of weeks in the UK. The weather wasn't too bad until the day I returned.... Then it had to rain on us just as we were nearing Birmingham airport.

We were wet through by the time we'd dragged the luggage from where we had to leave the hire car. Still the journey down the motorway wasn't as bad as we'd been led to expect. There were no holdups on the M6 so we drifted smoothly along. Great.

It was red hot when we landed though. Just to welcome us back. Now I feel like I never went.

Edgar Goldstraw sent a few jokes whilst we were away, so I'll drip them in over the next few days.
On his 75th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.
The medicine man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, 'This is powerful medicine. It must be respected. You take only teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.' When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."
The old man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "But when she does, the medicine will not work again until next full moon."
The old man was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

Thanks Ed. Brilliant.