The Elderly Couple and 24 inches

Bedlam Humour Ed Goldstraw has sent yet another joke. An elderly couple were watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches. Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, "How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?" The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis. A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little tribal experiment coming along?" "Well, it looks like we're about half way there," he replied. "Wow, you mean it's grown to 12 inches?" "No, it's turned black." Lol, love it, Ed. Very funny. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- For your next Kindle book, why not try a millionaire romance Next post - Bedlam Humour: Junk Mail

The VOODOO PENIS - Joke

Bedlam Humour

John Evans sent this joke.

The VOODOO PENIS

A Florida businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation.

The man there said, 'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except...the Voodoo Penis!'

The husband said 'The what'?

The man repeated 'The Voodoo Penis' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo. The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'

The man then pointed to the door and said, 'Voodoo Penis, door!'

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much that a crack began to form down the middle.

Then the man said 'Voodoo Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.

The husband bought it. He took it home to his wife and after the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Voodoo Penis.

She undressed, opened the box and said 'Voodoo Penis, my crotch.' The penis shot to her crotch.

It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off. So she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the hospital. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road

A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, the woman said 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me...'

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah right...Voodoo Penis, my ass...!'

The rest, as they say, is history . . . . .

I love it, John. Just my sense of humour.

Thanks for sending it in.

Fish in boy's penis

Sometimes I find things on the internet that are absolutely incredible. This little gem, made me squirm.

Consultants ministering to a 14 year old boy from India were stunned to find a 2cm long fish in his bladder. It had apparently slipped in through his penis (http://www.practicalfishkeeping.co.uk/pfk/pages/item.php?news=1773 ).

Through his penis? Ouch. My eyes water for the poor little bugger.

The patient, who was admitted to the clinic with painful, trickling urine, and acute urinary retention, gave an interesting explanation.

Particulars of the circumstance, which was acknowledged in The Internet Journal of Urology, divulge that the patient claims the fish "slipped" into his penis while he was cleaning his aquarium. It seems he had it in his hand when he decided to go for a pee. The fish then'slipped in'.

Hang on! Who goes to the loo still holding a fish? Who actually holds a fish whilst they pee? Something sounds strange here. Was he experimenting?

Whatever, it's a nasty thing to happen. I don't suppose he'll bother doing it again!

• My next post, Sperm count.

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