Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Obama's Time Machine

Bedlam Humour

Thanks to Ed Goldstraw of Leek in Staffordshire, for sending this joke.
Barack Obama and David Cameron are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future. They both decide to test it by asking a question each.

Barack goes first. “What will the USA be like in 100 years time?”

The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out "The country is in good hands under the new president, crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. There are no worries”

David thinks “It's not bad this time machine, I'll have a bit of that” so he asks: “What will Great Britain be like in 100 years time?”

The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout. But he just stares at it.

“Come on David” says Barack, “What does it say”

David replies, “Buggered if I know! It's all in Arabic!”

Next post - Bedlam Humour: Brushes with Death
Thomson Holidays Abandon Old Age Pensioners in Jerusalem

Monday, 12 August 2013

Brushes With Death

Bedlam Humour 

 Brushes With Death

This was sent to me by ex-international model, Micheline de Marsac.

Next post - Bedlam Humour: Thomson Holidays in Jerusalem

Sunday, 11 August 2013

Thomson Holiday Tour Guide Abandons Pensioners in Jerusalem


Old Age Pensioners Abandoned in Jerusalem by Thomson Holiday Tour Guide

A trip to the Holy Land. Wonderful.

We were on vacation in Cyprus in the Hotel Avanti, Paphos, and fancied a tour of Egypt to celebrate a big birthday. However, the political tension and rioting put us off.

Instead, although we were not with them, the Thomson Holiday rep, Jodi, said they could offer a 24 hour trip to Israel to Jerusalem, to the Holy Land.

We jumped at the chance. We expected the experience to be incredible. What we didn’t expect, was the constant stream of politically-biased crap from the Israeli Thomson Tour Guide; and worse, to be abandoned by him.

His name was Shadi. For some reason the Thomson Holiday Tour Guide in Israel was of Arab descent. He made political remarks throughout the coach trip, and was more interested in taking us to shops (where he perhaps took back-handers) than to the Holy Sites of Jerusalem.

He did eventually take us around some sites; then after showing us the place of the Last Supper, indicated where the toilets were.

My wife and I took advantage of the comfort break, but when we came out, the whole party had disappeared.

We were lost in the middle of Jerusalem - abandoned by the Thomson Tour Guide called Shadi.

Abandoned by Thomson Holiday Tour Guide

The Thomson guide had moved away without checking that everyone was present. He apparently expected the other tourists to do this job for him. But the blame was all his. The Thomson Holiday guide, Shadi, abandoned us in the middle of Jerusalem.

We had no idea what to do, or where to go. We dashed hither and thither to see if there were signs of the party but there was nothing. Panic set in.

It was a terrifying experience. Our valuables - including passports were stowed on the coach on his advice - but we had no idea where the coach was.

We were forsaken, deserted without documents; pensioners abandoned in a foreign country. It was a thing of nightmares.

What should have been a special birthday celebration had become a confusion of deliria.

It had been a 2am start, a long coach trip, a flight to Tel Aviv, and another coach trip. We were tired, bewildered, had no idea what to do or where to go, and were out of our minds with worry.

Eventually, a Polynesian tour guide took pity on us, and came to our aid. She phoned relentlessly, until in the end, by some magical means, she located who had left us, and arranged where we should be picked up. This lady became our saviour.

Thank you to that wonderful Angel of Mercy from Polynesia. I wish her well. I wish all the shit of the world on the head of the Thomson Tour Guide.

On our repatriation with the coach, the Thomson guide ignored us, and offered no apology, no explanation, no justification, even though we had been scared out of our minds, and had also missed a number of important Holy Sites that we had paid a lot of money to see. Shadi, you are a shit of a man.

What can be learned from being abandoned by the Thomson Tour Guide
  • When on tour, never let your passport out of your person no matter what the guide tells you.
  • Always know the phone number of your guide, or someone who might be of help
  • Always note the name and licence-plate of the coach you are on
  •  Never go to the toilet. If you really must take a toilet break, make sure someone in the group knows.

Next post - Bedlam Humour: Review of NHS