Wednesday, 30 March 2011


Bedlam Humor

Ed Goldstraw from Leek, has sent another joke.
For 2 years a married man was having an affair with an young Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was Pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy  to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back.He would then arrange for the Child Support payments to begin. 

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.'Honey!,' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said.  The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, he turned white and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without.Send extra sauce.

Great one, Ed. Thanks for sending it.

Next post - Bedlam Humour: At Peace with God

Monday, 21 March 2011

At peace with God?

Bedlam Humour

Jack Chambers sent this to me a while ago. I forgot to post it, but its better late than never.

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?'

George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! the light goes off.'

'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife. 'Ethel,' George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?'

'Oh my God!' Ethel exclaims. 'He's pissing in the fridge again!

Brilliant, Jack. I suppose it comes to us all eventually.... Lol...


Romantic Suspense

Thursday, 17 March 2011

An Elderly Navajo Woman

Bedlam Humour

Elsie Smith has sent another joke.

 For all women who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
'What in bag?', asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: 'Good trade.....' 

Saturday, 12 March 2011

Sniffer Dog

Bedlam Humour

Ed Goldstraw has sent another joke

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'. 'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'

The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'

He told Sniffer to 'search'.

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.

The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

'Hey, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.

Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.

The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'

'I like it !' said his seat mate.

The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.

Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place.

The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on ?'

The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'

Thanks Ed. Your humour to a 'T'....

Romantic Suspense

Thursday, 10 March 2011

Senior Citizens Come off Worse than Asylum Seekers

Bedlam Perspective

This was brought to my attentiion by Fred Ashford. I think the facts need spreading around FAST

INTERESTING, but then we always knew that our SENIOR CITIZENS were left out of the equation! OH BRITAIN, where did we go wrong ?

We're "broke" and can't help our own Senior Citizens, Veterans, Orphans, Homeless etc., Are you aware of the following?

The British Government provides the following financial assistance: -

BRITISH OLD AGE PENSIONER Weekly allowance £100

BRITISH OLD AGE PENSIONER Weekly Spouse allowance £25

BRITISH OLD AGE PENSIONER Additional weekly hardship allowance £0:00
ASYLUM SEEKERS / 'REFUGEES' LIVING IN BRITAIN Additional weekly hardship allowance £100


Please read all and then forward to all your contacts so that we can lobby for a decent aged pension.

After all, the average pensioner has paid taxes and contributed to the growth of this country for the last 40 to 60 years.

Sad isn't it?

Thanks for sending this in Fred.


 Kindle Romantic Suspense - WITHOUT REPROACH

Kindle Short Stories Collection - SHORT MOMENTS

From 1967 - 2010

Bedlam Humour

Here's an email I had from Fred Ashford, who knows about these thjings....

1967: Long hair
2010 : Longing for hair

1967: KEG
2010: ECG

1967: Acid rock 
2010 : Acid reflux 

1967: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2010: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando  or Liz Taylor  

1967: Seeds and stems
2010: Roughage 

1967: Going to a new, hip joint
2010:Receiving a new hip joint

1967: Rolling Stones
2010: Kidney Stones 

1967: Screw the system
2010: Upgrade the system 

1967: Passing the drivers' test
2010: Passing the vision test

1967: Whatever
2010: Depends 

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. 

  • The people who started university  this year were born in 1992.  
  • They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.  
  • Their lifetime has always included AIDS. 
  • Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. 
  • The CD was introduced 3 years before they were born. 
  • They have always had an answering machine 
  • They cannot fathom not having a remote control. 
  • Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
  • They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
  • They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
  • They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. 
  • They do not care who shot J. R. And have no idea who J. R. even is.
  • They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
 It is good to have friends who know about these things and are still alive and kicking!!!! 

 Brilliant stuff, Fred - I love it.


 Kindle Romantic Suspense - WITHOUT REPROACH

Kindle Short Stories Collection - SHORT MOMENTS