Sunday, 2 October 2011

Never Trust a Cricketer

Bedlam Humour

Ed Goldstraw sent this little ditty. Thought you might like to read it.


Come all ye fair young maidens and harken to me,
Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.

Randier than a sailor with six months at sea,
Never let a cricketer's hand an inch above your knee.

Look at the paceman, pure speed to last!
My darlings be careful; his balls are too fast.

Then comes the pacer, balls swing either way;
He's really most persistent and can keep it up all day!

And watch for the off-spinner, another awkward chap.
If you leave him an opening, he'll slip through the gap!

Then there's the 'slowy', pure cunning is his strength;
He'll tempt you, then trap you with his very subtle length.

So ladies, be careful, your mothers would agree.
Never trust a
bowler, whoever he may be.

And what about the opening bat, his struggles never cease!
He has only one ambition, to spend all day at the crease.

The number three is a dasher, he seldom prods and pokes.
He goes into action, with a fine array of strokes..

And beware of the slogger, not content with one or two;
When he arrives at the crease, only six will do.

Then there's the stonewaller, he knows what he's about;
And if you let him settle in, it's hard to get him out!

We come to the last man, I hope this will not shock,
He doesn't mind being last man, as long as he gets a knock.

So, darlings, do be careful, and be well warned by me:
Never trust a
batsman, whoever he may be.

Watch for the wicketkeeper, full of flair and dash;
If you raise your heel, he'll whip them off in a flash.

If you take the field with the captain, you had better know the score;
Or he'll have you in positions that you never knew before!

The cricket commentator is a nasty sort of bloke,
He watches all the action and describes it stroke by stroke.

Even the umpire, who looks friendly as a pup;
You'll find you've had it, when he puts his finger up!

So, darlings, please remember and repeat it after me:

Thanks, Ed. Keep 'em rolling...

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