I'm reliably informed that most of these are true ..... make up your own mind.
Psst.
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. 'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
'You did WHAT ? ! ?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,'explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move.'
A drink please
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....' 'What?' 'I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad....' 'WHAT?' 'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
'I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....''WHAT!' 'When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?'
The door.
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven, behaving like that?'
The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door.'
'And just what good d'you think that will do?'
'Well I'll do it until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''
Can I sleep in your bed
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. 'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room'
There was a long silence until at last he said in a shaky little voice: 'The big sissy'
A right bitch
It was the time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?'
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, 'Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron.'
Rather fat
When she was six months pregnant with her third child, her three year old came into the room when mom was just getting ready to get into the shower. The little girl said, 'Mommy, you are getting fat!'
Mom replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.'
'I know all about that,' the little girl said, 'But what's growing in your butt?'
Two and two
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....'
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?'
The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mom.'
'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked.
'Yes ,' he answered.
The mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you teaching my son in math?'
The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'
The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?'
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'
Not his
A little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.'
Her mother told her this was wrong, that she must say, 'I'm Jane Sugarbrown.'
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?'
She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'
Smoothie
A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play with the boys?' Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough.'
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, 'If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'
- Next post on Bedlam - Jobs picture.
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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing
End of post - Jokes - The things kids say.
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