Senior Passwords....

Bedlam

This joke was sent in by Malcolm and Gina Shenton, from North Wales

SENIOR TRYING TO SET PASSWORD


WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.  

USER: cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. 

USER: boiled cabbage 

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 

USER: 1 boiled cabbage 

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 

USER: 50damnboiledcabbages 

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 

USER: 50DAMNboiledcabbages 

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 

USER: 50damnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAss! 

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. 

USER: ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCab bagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow 

WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.

Doctors Orders

Bedlam Humour

This joke was sent in by Gina and Malcolm Shenton from North Wales

A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives, we
should always finish things that we start.

Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around my house to
find things I'd started but hadn't finished.

I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a
butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a choclutz. Yu
has no idr how fablus I feel rite now.

Sned this to all ur frenz who need inner piss.
An telum u luvum

Bedlam Humor: Still Celebrating

Bedlam Humour

Here's yet another joke from Joyce Critchlow

Husband takes the wife to a disco. There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.

The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." 

Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"

Dear Mum...

Bedlam - Humour

Gina and Malcolm Shenton have sent this joke.

A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Mum'

With the worst premonition; she opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

'Dear, Mum.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older
than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Mum. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS,so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Mum, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. 

Some day, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren..

Love, your son, Nicholas.


"P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk"

I love it, Gina and Malcolm - very funny.

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For you next Kindle book, why not try Heartwarming Stories



Next post - Bedlam Humour: Sex and Batteries

Coke, the sperm-killer.

Bedlam Humor

A Natural Sperm Killer
Guys and gals, if you fancy safe sex, just pop out the can, (safe, as in not-getting-pregnant, nothing to do with anything transmittable or nasty).

Coke and sperm.
I always knew Coke was good for something other than cleaning old coins. Coke has now been revealed as an efficient sperm killer, which, they say, may be good for the natural environment – though God knows why. What’s it got to do with the environment?

For the discovery, a woman’s sexuality specialist has been awarded an alternative Nobel Prize for Chemistry. Deborah Anderson, Harvard Medical School professor of obstetrics and gynecology, and her colleagues, shared the Prize for their discovery.

Sperm killer
The sperm-killer effect of coke has now been accepted as fact … Well fact me! Well okay, just hand me the can.

The only thing is …. What am I supposed to do with it? Where do I put it? Do I drink it? Do I rub it in?

• Next post, Japan's Prime Minister.

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End of - 'Coke, the sperm-killer'.

*** Coke, Coke, Coke ***