Here's another joke from Jack Chambers
The judge says to a double-homicide defendant,"You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"
The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!"
The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these heinous crimes but no more short moments of outbursts from you or I'll charge you with contempt and have you removed from the courtroom. Is that understood?"
The chap in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm very sorry, your Honour, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."