The Shy Australian Blonde

Bedlam

This joke was sent in by Gina and Malcolm Shenton, from North Wales

A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side. ​ He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons and says....

"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute".

"Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink".

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the crocodile's open mouth. ​ The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile really,really hard on the top of its head.

The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer.... "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly Spoke up.......... "I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"

50 Shades of Golf

Bedlam Humour

This was sent in by Joyce and Roy Critchlow

Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years. But, this Year, two days before the group is to leave, John's wife, Paula puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. John's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find John sitting at the bar with four drinks set up!

"Wow, John, how long you been here, and how did you talk your misses into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and Paula came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?"

I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she's been reading ‘50 Shades of Grey’... On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! 
She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

Sooooo... Here I am!

Looking for Yesterday

Bedlam

Looking for Yesterday

Available from Amazon....

  Yesterday