The Builders Merchants

Bedlam Humour

Ed Goldstraw sent me this joke a few days ago.

Fred asked his wife Mary if she would go to Builders Merchants and pick up a hinge. Mary agreed to go. 

While she was waiting for the employee to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom tap set.  

When the employee was finished, Mary asked him, "How much is that tap set?"

The employee replied, "That's a gold plated tap set and the price is $4999.00
 
Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, that is a very expensive tap set. It's certainly out of my price bracket."       

She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy. The employee said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one.
 
From the storeroom the employee yelled. "Ma'am, do you wanna screw for the hinge?"
 
Mary paused for a moment and then shouted back, "No, but I will for the tap set."

Great Ed. Another good laugh.

Seamus and Murphy Are Broke

Bedlam Humour

Fred Ashford has sent this joke

Seamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have much money between them. In fact they could only raise the sum of one Euro. Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage. Shamus said, 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money Left at all!'

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Seamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much Trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan , Cheers! '

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Seamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember Which pub I lost the sausage in.'  

Lol - Great stuff, Fred, thanks. Keep on sending 'em...