Bedlam Humour: Commando?

Bedlam Humour

Another joke sent in by Ed Goldstraw

During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level. 

I described a typical day, "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank eight beers."

Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoors man! Are you an ex-commando?"

"No," I replied, "I'm just a shit golfer."

Next post - Bedlam Humour: Johnny's black eye

Bedlam Humour: Johnny's Black Eye

Bedlam Humour

Ed Goldstraw sent me this joke

Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.

After a number of times of this happening, the teacher became increasingly worried and asked him about it.

Johnny's answer was: "Our house is very small miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my father asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye."

So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't say a word".

The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after that, Johnny comes back with a massive shiner again.

"My goodness Johnny, another black eye? What happened?"

He turns to explain: "Miss, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?.... and I shut up and kept dead still. Then my father and my mother started moving {you know} at the same time. Mom was breathing heavy and kicking her legs all over the place while squealing like a demented hyena on the bed".... Then my father asks me mum: 'Are you coming?' Then my mum says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'.

They don't usually go anywhere without me so i said 'Wait for me..."

Next post - Bedlam Humour: Middle-Aged Affair

Bedlam Humour: A Middle-Aged Affair

Bedlam Humour

Thanks to Jack Chambers for this funny joke:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, 'Not this time!'