Saturday, 12 March 2011

Sniffer Dog

Bedlam Humour

Ed Goldstraw has sent another joke

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'. 'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'

The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'

He told Sniffer to 'search'.

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.

The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

'Hey, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.

Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.

The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'

'I like it !' said his seat mate.

The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.

Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place.

The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on ?'

The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'

Thanks Ed. Your humour to a 'T'....

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Romantic Suspense

Thursday, 10 March 2011

Senior Citizens Come off Worse than Asylum Seekers

Bedlam Perspective

This was brought to my attentiion by Fred Ashford. I think the facts need spreading around FAST

INTERESTING, but then we always knew that our SENIOR CITIZENS were left out of the equation! OH BRITAIN, where did we go wrong ?

We're "broke" and can't help our own Senior Citizens, Veterans, Orphans, Homeless etc., Are you aware of the following?

The British Government provides the following financial assistance: -

BRITISH OLD AGE PENSIONER Weekly allowance £100
ASYLUM SEEKERS / 'REFUGEES' LIVING IN BRITAIN Weekly allowance £250

BRITISH OLD AGE PENSIONER Weekly Spouse allowance £25
ASYLUM SEEKERS / 'REFUGEES' LIVING IN BRITAIN Weekly Spouse allowance £225

BRITISH OLD AGE PENSIONER Additional weekly hardship allowance £0:00
ASYLUM SEEKERS / 'REFUGEES' LIVING IN BRITAIN Additional weekly hardship allowance £100

BRITISH OLD AGE PENSIONER TOTAL YEARLY BENEFIT £6,000 ASYLUM SEEKERS / 'REFUGEES' LIVING IN BRITAIN TOTAL YEARLY BENEFIT £29,900

Please read all and then forward to all your contacts so that we can lobby for a decent aged pension.

After all, the average pensioner has paid taxes and contributed to the growth of this country for the last 40 to 60 years.

Sad isn't it?


Thanks for sending this in Fred.

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 Kindle Romantic Suspense - WITHOUT REPROACH

Kindle Short Stories Collection - SHORT MOMENTS

From 1967 - 2010

Bedlam Humour

Here's an email I had from Fred Ashford, who knows about these thjings....

1967: Long hair
2010 : Longing for hair

1967: KEG
2010: ECG

1967: Acid rock 
2010 : Acid reflux 

1967: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2010: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando  or Liz Taylor  


1967: Seeds and stems
2010: Roughage 

1967: Going to a new, hip joint
2010:Receiving a new hip joint

1967: Rolling Stones
2010: Kidney Stones 

1967: Screw the system
2010: Upgrade the system 

1967: Passing the drivers' test
2010: Passing the vision test

1967: Whatever
2010: Depends 

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. 

  • The people who started university  this year were born in 1992.  
  • They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.  
  • Their lifetime has always included AIDS. 
  • Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. 
  • The CD was introduced 3 years before they were born. 
  • They have always had an answering machine 
  • They cannot fathom not having a remote control. 
  • Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
  • They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
  • They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
  • They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. 
  • They do not care who shot J. R. And have no idea who J. R. even is.
  • They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
 It is good to have friends who know about these things and are still alive and kicking!!!! 

 Brilliant stuff, Fred - I love it.


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 Kindle Romantic Suspense - WITHOUT REPROACH

Kindle Short Stories Collection - SHORT MOMENTS