The Italian Funeral

Bedlam Humour

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The Italian man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.. Until ....

"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."

Bedlam Humour: The Jewish Genie

Bedlam Humour

Once again, I'm indebted to Jack Chambers for sending a joke:

An Arab had spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It got so bad that his camel died of thirst.
He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his last breath, when suddenly, he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered a Manischewitz wine bottle.
It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top, and out popped a genie. BUT this was no ordinary genie. This genie appeared to be a Chasidic Rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, and tzitzis.

'Vell kid,' said the genie, 'you know how it voiks. You got three vishes.'

'I'm not going to trust you,' says the Arab. 'I'm not going to trust a Jewish genie!'

'Vott'ya you got to lose? Looks ta me - you're a gonner anyvay!'

The Arab thought about this for a minute, and decided that the genie was right. 'Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis, with plentiful food and drink.'

* * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he had ever seen and he was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

'Okee-dokee kiddo, vat's your second vish?'

'My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.'

* * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare old coins and precious gems.

'Okay kid, you got just vone more vish. Better you should make it a good vone!'

After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says, 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will always need and want me!'

* * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * *

He was turned into a tampon.



THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

If you're an Arab doing business with a Jewish genie, there's going to be a string attached.

Way to go, Jack - very funny.

The Old Man And The Confessional

Bedlam Humour

Ed Goldstraw from Leek has emailed another joke.

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old; I'm telling everybody!'

Thanks Ed. Great joke - loved it. I think I'd be bragging as well if I were in his place.


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