X factor and Ruth Lorenzo

Bedlam Viewpoint.


I'm so pissed off with X factor and those who follow it. Howcome a bit of a kid whose only talent appears to be a likeable natue (Oeghan) can get through, whilst someone with enormous talent and an incredible voice (Ruth Lorenzo) gets knocked out.

Don't get me wrong - I'm no Spanofile - I live in Spain, and am fast coming to believe the Spanish suffer with endemic corruption. I wish something would happen to change my mind, but corruption seems to be rampant - it's in local authorities, mayors - and worst of all, Valencia land laws.

The land law is so fraudulent it's unbelievable. Wherever you look - the ridiculous willingness to rip off the very people who bring wealth to the country is beyond credence - but talent? Ruth Lorenzo has an incredible voice. She didn't deserve to be knocked out.

I hope she find success elsewhere. She can't help legal corruption in her country.

• Next post on Bedlam - Joke.

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

Joke - The cowboy and the tax officer

Bedlam Humour

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the western plains without water. His horse has already died of thirst.

He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden; he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie.

But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing a Tax Office ID badge on the edge of a sultry dress. There's a calculator in her breast-pocket, just covering a nipple. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie... 'You know how I work. You have three wishes.'

'I'm not falling for this.' said the cowboy. 'I'm not going to trust a Tax Office genie.'

'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, considers her volputuous figure and decides that the genie is right. 'OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink.'
 

POOF The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'
 
He eyes her over again. She is the sexiest thing he's seen in an age. 'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'
 

POOF The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'

He thinks now that he might just be in with a chance, after all she does seem to be rather obliging and it's been a long time since he's been with a woman. After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'

POOF He turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's bound to be a string attached .

End of the post - Joke, The cowboy and the tax officer

Joke - The day the penis asked for a raise

Bedlam Humour.

I've just read a brilliant joke on another website I visit from time to time. I couldn't stop laughing.

It starts off like this

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge head first into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

.......

Now I'm not going to tell you any more - but there's loads - and it gets funnier. Visit the site 'Life of a Writer' to see the rest.

I'm sure you'll enjoy it just like I did.

• Next post on Bedlam - Tequila.

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To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

Ened of the post - Joke - The day the penis asked for a raise

Tequila, the diamond drink.

Bedlam Viewpoint.






Tequila

I’ve always thought tequila a gem of a drink. I love the stuff. Now I’ve officially been proved right.

Hubble Bubble Toil and Trouble

Physicists from the National Autonomous University of Mexico have made an incredible discovery. Perhaps we should call them alchemists not physicists, because they’ve managed to turn tequila into diamonds.

What I want to know is, did someone just sit down after having had a skinful one night and say, 'I think I'll invent a way to make diamonds' or was it discovered by accident? How do these things happen?

Synthetic

The end result could have many industrial uses. There is a catch, however. The synthetic tequila diamond crystals are too small to be turned into jewellery.

Still I was right after all. I just hope they've left enough for me to drink....

• Next post on Bedlam - Stradivarius.

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of the post - Tequila, the diamond drink.

The Stradivarius secret unlocked

Bedlam Viewpoint.





Stradivarius unlocked.


Drink....Drugs.... Funny mushrooms? Has the Stradivarius secret finally been unlocked?


Some experts suggest the secret behind a Stradivarius violin is in the varnish…. except studies have showed Stradivarius used ordinary furniture varnish. Some believe the wood used in making the instruments was treated to protect it from woodworm and fungi, and this gave it the inimitable sound.

Stradivarius Mushrooms

Whatever, it’s all to no avail, because a Swiss researcher has hit on an unlikely way of recreating the unique sound. He treats the wood of a replica instrument with mushrooms and away he goes…. a Stradivarius.

Is this what Stradivarius did? Were funny mushrooms behind it after all? I know they were popular in the sixties and things sometimes sounded strange after a few musicians experimented, but surely, that was down to them being blown out of their minds.

Maybe it affects violins as well…. Or maybe the fumes just make the player better…. Or did Stradivarius just eat them before making his instruments!!!!

Way to go man...

• Next post on Bedlam - Joke.

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of post - The Stradivarius secret unlocked

Joke - A Scottish short story

Bedlam Humour.



Another joke from my friend Jack Chambers. He seems to have an endless supply.

A dowdy looking bloke walks into a Glasgow library. It's posher than he
expected and he eyes it over. Eventually he walks to the reception desk and says
to the prim librarian: 'Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?'

To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her
glasses and says, 'Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!'

Related posts - More jokes .

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• Next post on Bedlam - Family of drunks.

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Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of - Joke, a Scottish short story

SCHERERVILLE, a family of drunks and their baby

Bedlam Viewpoint.

SCHERERVILLE, Indiana, state police said that after a mother was arrested for driving whilst under the influence of drink, the kith and kin that came to pick up her 1-year-old son had been drinking as well – all three of them.

A family thing

An officer stopped the original vehicle for speeding early Saturday morning in Schererville in northwestern Indiana. He arrested the 24-year-old woman on a drink-driving charge.

The boy's father arrived later to pick him up, but officers determined he was drunk as well and also arrested him.

Police said the boy's grandparents then arrived. Both of them had also been drinking, but the grandmother who was driving was not over the legal limit, so officers escorted them home with the child.

What a state of affairs! Just who was supposed to look after the child? Poor little buggar! Maybe we should have laws against child-minding whist under the influence ….

• Next post on Bedlam - Woesers

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of post - SCHERERVILLE, a family of drunks and their baby

Beijing and Woeser's writing

Bedlam Viewpoint.

So! You think you have it bad, as a writer. You think you have to struggle - read this and think again.

Devotion to writing.

In Beijing - Woeser's devotees have cause to be extremely worried that she'll soon be thrown into prison for her outspoken words..... Now that's devotion to writing...

The celebrated Tibetan writer has sued the Chinese government. She's scrutinizing the March uprising in Tibet. She speaks about the repression that a lot of Tibetans feel, which contravenes the official line that they like Chinese rule – and all of this from a modest, high-rise apartment in Beijing.

Prohibits her work.

The government there prohibits her work. However, from Tennessee to Tibet, her fans hang on every unofficial poem, essay, and blog. To them, she endangers her life to tell the "real" Tibetan story – a narrative that unites the Tibetan community even as it diverges over politics, a hot topic this week at a rare summit in Dharamsala, India, called by the Dalai Lama.

Would you do it?

My writing is important to me, but I have to ask myself what I'd do in a similar situation. Would I martyr myself for a belief, for a cause?

Would you?

• Next post on Bedlam - Joke.

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of, Beijing and Woeser's writing

Joke - How Adam got Eve.

Bedlam Humour.

Here's another joke sent in by my friend Jack Chambers.

She'll be called Eve.

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. God asked him, "What's wrong with you? Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman and would be called Eve.

He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you!”

Adam was amazed. “Wow! Sounds good to me.”

No headaches.

“She will bear your children, and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it"

Adam smiled warily and asked God, "So, what will a woman like this cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Adam was crestfallen, after all his arms and legs were important. He’d miss them. He asked carefully, "What can I get for a rib?"

The rest is history............!!!!

• Next post on Bedlam - MaryJo Dawson.

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of, Joke - How Adam got Eve.

MaryJo Dawson, The Death of Amelia Marsh

Bedlam Review.

MaryJo Dawson, The Death of Amelia Marsh

.

MaryJo Dawson, novelist, and writer of the mystery "The Death of Amelia Marsh" intends to sign books and be available to discuss her latest book on Thursday, 18th November.

.

The Public Library plans to host to the visit, whilst delegates from the bookstore, Barnes and Noble, will be available to process sales of the novel.

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Her stopover will run from 6 to 8:30 p.m. Thursday in room 331 of the Civic Center, 7501 E. Civic Circle.

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Obstetrical nurse.

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Dawson is an obstetrical nurse, and has practiced both abroad and in 11 states for more than 20 years.

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She now lives in Prescott Valley with her husband and serves on the board of Hannah's Home, a non-profit organization working to set up a maternity home for teens in the tri-city area.

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• Next post on Bedlam - Joke.

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of - MaryJo Dawson, The Death of Amelia Marsh

Joke - Female Compassion

Bedlam Humour.

This joke was sent to me by my good friend, Jack Chambers.

Female Compassion.

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carol That the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, 'Darling, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?' Carol agreed and again they made love.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carol 's shoulder and said, 'Darling? Please? Just one more time before I die?' She agreed, and then afterwards she rolled over and fell asleep.

Barry, however, lay there awake and listened to the clock ticking in his head, tossing and turning until he was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. 'Darling, I only have four hours left! Could we...?' His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, 'Listen, I'm not trying to be funny, Barry, but I have to get up in the morning - you don't......'
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Related posts - More jokes .

• Next post on Bedlam - The Frenchman and his mobile.
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• End of - Female Compassion.

The Frenchman, a toilet, and his mobile phone

Bedlam Humor

In the shit. I had to laugh when I heard about this - but it's TRUE, honest. Not a joke.

A rather dejected Frenchman delayed a train by two hours after he got his arm trapped in the toilet trying to rescue his cell phone.

I ask you! Who in their right mind puts their hand in a toilet for a mobile phone. The damn thing isn't going to work afterwards. 

It seems he was a passenger on a crowded high-speed train from Paris to La Rochelle. A feature of train's toilets is a powerful suction discharge system. Unhappily, the system ended up sucking the man's arm in after he probed around in it to retrieve the cell phone.

It took fire officers an hour to rescue him from the train. He was eventually carried out on a stretcher - with the toilet still stuck to his arm. They proceeded to cut him loose from the toilet on the platform.

Besides predictable bruising and an unfortunate but disgusting smell, the man is reported to be ok.

Can they remove the shit from his brain as well, I wonder?

• Next post on Bedlam - Lynn o'Shaugnessy.

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End of - The Frenchman, a toilet, and his mobile phone

Lynn O'Shaughnessy

Bedlam Review.



Book Signing


Students in San Diego take note.

Lynn O'Shaughnessy, writer of The College Solution: A Guide for Everyone Looking for the Right School at the Right Price, will host a book signing at Barnes & Noble in Grossmont Center in San Diego on Saturday, November 8 at 4 p.m.

Inflation

Her recent book, aimed at millions of teenagers and their families, examines the issue of placements into college and how to finance it. With college costs greater than the inflation rate, it becomes more demanding every year.

A useful book. The world needs more of them.

• Next post on Bedlam - Miserable.

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of - Lynn O'Shaughnessy

Miserable? Then let's have a smart meal out.

Bedlam Review.

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.

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Smart meal out.

Whenever I feel disjointed,or miserable, or too 'can't be bothered to even pass wind', I treat myself to a really smart meal out.

A great meal is guaranteed to lift my spiirits.

One top-of-the-list restaurant, which gives me the feel-good factor, is The Puerto Blanco Restaurant at Calpe.

Look at the picture .... See what I mean! And the food .... Out of this world.

Fancy joining me?

• Next post on Bedlam - Street collectors.

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of - Miserable? Then let's have a smart meal out.

Bogus charity street collector

Bedlam Viepoint.

I instinctively distrust them! Now I know I was right to do so. I hate giving to street collectors. I have my own list of favourite charities, and don't need approaching in the middle of a street to give to them. I give without being asked.

Jailed

A jobless animal rights activist, was detained in Stoke-on-Trent for using thousands of pounds from street collections. What did he do with the precious funds? He financed his damn pop band and supplemented his lifestyle.

He’s now been jailed for 15 months.

Lee Devenport, who tricked the community out of more than £8,000, was convicted of fraud following a seven-day trial in September.

Council Permit.

The 41-year-old, from Watling Street, Bury, was detained in Hanley on July 10 last year after erecting a stand without a council permit.

Devenport, who was handing out home-made newsletters in return for cash, fraudulently claimed he was working with genuine animal rights organisations.

Charity my arse!

I KNOW there are good and genuine people out there, but I can't help but distrust them. Am I so wrong?

I wonder if he's gone to Sing-Sing?

• Next post - Library book

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of Bogus charity street collector

• 
  

Late library book

Bedlam Post.

Just a little late perhaps?

A library book borrowed from a Tulsa high school in 1947 has been sent back — with a $250 cheque to cover arrears.

Holland Hall School librarian, Betty Niver, claims the book, New Word Analysis: Or School Etymology of English Derivative Words was mailed to the school by Martha McCabe Jarrett.

Martha, of Venice, Fla., was a sophomore, when she borrowed the book 61 years ago at what was then Holland Hall School for Girls. Apparently, it came to light whilst she was cleaning out her home in Ohio.

Talk about honesty! How many other people would have done the same?

• Next post, Thom Gossom Jr.

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of post, 'Late library book'.

Anthony James Barnett - author of Without Reproach.

Thom Gossom Jr.

Bedlam Post.

For all you guys who reside in the area of Auburn University a treat is in store.

Actor and author, Thom Gossom Jr., a 1975 graduate of Auburn University, will read from his memoir "Walk-On" 6 p.m. -7 p.m. Thursday at Auburn University's Jules Collins Smith Museum of Fine Art.

And it's free.

Thom Gossom, a football player, was the first black athlete to graduate from the university.

He was Auburn's second black scholarship player, James Owens being the first. Both played for Ralph Jordan.

Gossom has been selected to act in several movies such as "Fight Club" and "The Chamber." Fame indeed. Born in Birmingham, Alabama, Thom Gossom Jr. obtained a degree from Auburn University, and his masters from the University of Montevallo.

After the readings, Thom will be on hand to sign copies of his book.

• Next post on Bedlam - Simon Cowell.

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of - 'Thom Gossom Jr.'

Anthony James Barnett - author of Without Reproach.

• 
  

Simon Cowell discarded by partner - American singles, watch out.

Bedlam Post.

Can this be true? American singles watch out if it is. If he's loose and free, YOU might be his next target ...

Simon Cowell has apparently said he’s relieved after being discarded by his partner of six years. The 49-year-old music entrepreneur reportedly said, 'Thank God' after TV presenter Terri Seymour said it was over.

'She has been a weight around his neck for a long time,' said a friend.

Has she? Sounds like a whole bag-full of sour-grapes to me. Haven't we all claimed the same at some time or other to save face? I can hardly see Simon Cowell being backward at coming forward if he wanted to end the affair. His outspoken approach is infamous.

Mind you, he does seem to have taken rather a fancy to the voluptuous Spanish contender for the crown... So maybe it might not be an American single he's looking for....

Whatever, I think it's horrible to hang your dirty washing in public. I hope Terri Seymour makes a million out of it. I wish her well.

• Next post on Bedlam - Andrew porter.

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How To Describe - Mastering Descriptive Writing
To Write A Story - 20 Ways To Write A Story Better
Story Characters - 7 Cool Ways To Jump-Start Your Writing

End of post - Simon Cowell discarded by partner. American singles watch out.

Anthony James Barnett - author of Without Reproach.

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