Police Really Do Care

Bedlam Humour

Joyce and Roy Critchlow sent in this joke

The Northampton Police report finding a man's body in the River Nene, near Becketts Park. The dead man's name will not be released until his family has been notified. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption.

He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, and a ‘Milliband for PM’ on his T-shirt. He also had a cucumber stuffed up his rectum.

The police removed the Ed Milliband T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.

Silence In Court

Bedlam Humour

This joke is from Gina and Malcolm Shenton, in North Wales

Silence in court

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!"

The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom:

"Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"

Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I lived next door to that arsehole and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."

A Neat Selection

Bedlam Humour

These jokes were sent in by Fred Ashford

It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I've turned myself around and that's what it's all about.

A Muslim bloke I work with was bragging he had the entire Koran on DVD.
Being interested, I asked him to burn me a copy. Well, that's when it all kicked off!

Paddy caught his Wife having an affair and decided to kill her and himself.
He puts the gun to his head, looks at his Wife and says "Don't laugh, you're next!!"

An Irishmen wanting to become a Priest went to see the Bishop who said "You must answer 3 questions on the Bible".

"1st - Who was born in a stable?" "Red Rum" he replied

"2nd - What do you think of Damascus ?" "It kills 99% of all germs" he replied.

"3rd - What happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive ?" "That's easy" he said "Popeye knocked hell out of them!!"