Joke - The little old lady

Bedlam Humour

Thanks once more to Elsie Smith for sending in this joke.

Defence Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now!'

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard

Great one Elsie. Keep sending them in.

• Next post Bedlam Humour: The Lodger 

Joke - The lodger

Bedlam Humour
Elsie Smith from Leek, Staffs, has sent in another joke.

The lodger
A couple take in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bathroom but she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.....

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts ," she said. So the girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday...

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl got undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair, and told her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said, "Next week I'll leave a gap in the curtains so that you can see for yourself."

The following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked, "Do you shave?"

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hairs?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she lifted her skirt and showed off her own pubic area.

When the girl went to bed the husband came in, and the wife asked, "Did you see it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."

"Why not?" she said. "You've seen it before."

"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!!"

Woohoo, Elsie. Good one. Can't stop laughing.

Next post - Bedlam Humour: The Amish Boy

Joke - The Amish boy and an elevator

Bedlam Humour

Here's another joke from Elsie Smith of Leek, Staffordshire.

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by the two shiny, stainless steel doors of an elevator that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What's this Father?'

The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father watched with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the stainless doors and pressed a button. The doors opened, and the lady rolled between them into the small room beyond. The doors closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the doors light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the doors opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son..... 'Go get your mother.'

Great stuff. Thanks Elsie. Looking forward to more.

• Next post on Bedlam Humour:  Should UK Adopt Euro