Who Says Women Can't Hack It?

Bedlam

Who Says Women Can't Hack It?

 

Two Friends in Heaven

Bedlam Humour

Jack Chambers has sent this joke:

Two Friends Talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad.... After I quit shaking from the cold I began to get warm & sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

PRICELESS!

Poem for all Women

Bedlam Humour

My daughter posted this Poem for all Women on Facebook. I couldn't resist pinching it

End of Poem for all Women

A Poem for Women Everywhere

Bedlam Humour 

 Ed Goldstraw has sent in this poem.

A Poem for Women Everywhere

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake,
He said my biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him
Like his mother used to do!

End of ~ A Poem for Women Everywhere

Women and sweet tea

Bedlam - Humour
Jack Chambers has sent another joke.

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten Black and Blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

Love it, Jack. Ladies will probably hate it.

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Women - joke

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Bedlam - humour

Thanks to John Evans for this joke. Quite funny.

Billy Connolly - Statement of the Century


'If women are so bloody perfect at multi-tasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?'

Brill, John. Many thanks.

Joke - Why do women orgasm

Bedlam - humour

This is with permission from my Facebook friend Sonia Biddulph from Leek, Staffs.,

Why do women orgasm? -  So they can moan even when they're happy?

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one egg says to the other.. "I've got a huge crack!" the other egg replies "Stop f***ing teasing me, I'm not hard yet!"

Thanks Sonia - a real laugh....

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Joke - The way women think

Bedlam humour.


Nick Wood has contributed another joke. I hope you find it as funny as I did.

WHAT WOMEN MEAN
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
On the other hand, men are far more straighforward.
WHAT MEN MEAN
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
And finally.....
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

Great one Nick -  keep sending them in.





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