Spaghetti

Bedlam Humor


Ed Goldstraw from Leek, has sent another joke.
   

For 2 years a married man was having an affair with an young Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was Pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy  to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back.He would then arrange for the Child Support payments to begin. 

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.'Honey!,' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said.  The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, he turned white and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without.Send extra sauce.

Great one, Ed. Thanks for sending it.


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The VOODOO PENIS - Joke

Bedlam Humour

John Evans sent this joke.

The VOODOO PENIS

A Florida businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation.

The man there said, 'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except...the Voodoo Penis!'

The husband said 'The what'?

The man repeated 'The Voodoo Penis' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo. The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'

The man then pointed to the door and said, 'Voodoo Penis, door!'

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much that a crack began to form down the middle.

Then the man said 'Voodoo Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.

The husband bought it. He took it home to his wife and after the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Voodoo Penis.

She undressed, opened the box and said 'Voodoo Penis, my crotch.' The penis shot to her crotch.

It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off. So she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the hospital. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road

A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, the woman said 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me...'

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah right...Voodoo Penis, my ass...!'

The rest, as they say, is history . . . . .

I love it, John. Just my sense of humour.

Thanks for sending it in.

The old gentleman

Bedlam Humour

Elsie Smith has sent another joke. I suppose it's around my age group which is why it seems one funny.

An elderly gentleman.... Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

Thanks Elsie. Keep 'em rolling -


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