Doctors Orders

Bedlam Humour

This joke was sent in by Gina and Malcolm Shenton from North Wales

A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives, we
should always finish things that we start.

Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around my house to
find things I'd started but hadn't finished.

I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a
butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a choclutz. Yu
has no idr how fablus I feel rite now.

Sned this to all ur frenz who need inner piss.
An telum u luvum

Will You Live to see 80?

Bedlam Humour

Here's a joke from Ed Goldstraw

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned fifty-eight). A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued Ribs?

'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'

'No,' I said...

He looked at me and said,.. 'Then, why do you even give a shit?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

For your next Kindle book why not try a collection of short stories



Next post - Bedlam Humour: Barack Obama

A question all pregnant mums want answered

Bedlam - humour.

Fred Ashford has sent another joke - hope you like it.

Pregnant Pause--

Brenda pregnant with her first child, visited her obstretician. When the examination was over, she went to the door but paused before opening it. The doctor glanced up from his notes. "Was there something else?" She was quite obviously embarrassed and he gave a friendly smile.

She relaxed a little and said shyly, "My husband wants me to ask you a question."

"Go ahead," said the doctor.

Brenda hestitated again, still obviously embarrassed.

"I know, I know," the doctor said, went over to her and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder," I get asked all the time. Don't worry, sex is fine until quite late in the pregnancy."

"No, that's not it at all, " Brenda confessed.

"Well what is it.... Don't worry, there's nothing I haven't heard before."

Brenda lifted her chin. "He wants to know how long I can still mow the lawn!"

Brilliant, Fred. The sort of thing you probably said yourself many years ago???

• Next post on Bedlam.

THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

Bedlam Humour.

My thanks to Jack Chambers for sending me this. This apparantly is true!

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it's embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a stroppy doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.

Most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it:

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.'

'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' the old man said.

The receptionist replied: 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'It's your fault. You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.' The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes?'

'There's something wrong with my ear', he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied. The waiting room erupted in laughter.

---Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose!

End of post - joke - DOCTOR'S OFFICE

• For your next Kindle book, why not try a short story collection