Bedlam Humour: Aussie Gamblers

Bedlam Humour

This joke was sent in by Joyce Critchlow

Aussie Gamblers:

Bob a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 pm news was coming on.. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money...

Bedlam Humour: The Blonde City Girl

Bedlam Humour

Jack Chambers sent this joke:

Carol, a blonde city girl, marries a Cornish dairy farmer. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

So then the farmer leaves for the fields.

After a while, the insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Carol takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one...right here.'

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, 'Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?'

'That's simple; by the nail over its stall', Carol explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?'

She turns and starts to walk away and with complete confidence, says over her shoulder,

'I assume it's to hang your trousers on.'

A Blonde goes to Heaven

Bedlam Humour Ed Goldstraw sent this joke: An Aussie Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates.'I'm sorry, 'St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of godly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.' 'That's cool' said the Blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?' 'Just three questions' said St Peter. 'Which are?' asked the Blonde. 'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T'? The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year'?The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?' 'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.' So the Blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought.The following morning, St Peter called upon the Blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.' 'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?' The Blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.' St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question. 'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?' The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!' 'Only twelve' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?' 'Easy,' said the Blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.' St Peter looked at the Blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?' The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.' 'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?' 'It's Andy.' 'Andy??' 'Yes, Andy,' said the Blonde. This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?' 'Easy' said the Blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited till his billy boiled.' And the Blonde entered Heaven...? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - For your next Kindle book, why not try a short story collection

A Blonde goes to Heaven

Bedlam - Humour

Thanks once more to Jack Chambers for sending another joke.

A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates.

'I'm sorry' St Peter said 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'

'That's cool', said the blonde. 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'

'Just three questions'.

'Which are?' asked the blonde.

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter T? The second is How many seconds are there in a year? The third is What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?"

"Okay."

'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about it and when I call you, I shall expect you to have those answers.'

So the blonde went away and started thinking.

The following morning, St Peter called on the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied: 'I have....'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

The blonde said 'Today and tomorrow.'

St Peter pondered this answer decided that indeed the answer could be applied to the question.

'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'

The Blonde replied 'Twelve!'

'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'

'Easy,' said the blonde 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'

St Peter looked at the blonde and said, 'I need time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde.

'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now can you tell me the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

The blonde replied, 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest.'

'Really' said St Peter, 'So whats the answer?'

'It's Andy.'

'Andy?'

'Yes, Andy' said the blonde.

This totally floored St Peter and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at that answer?'

'Easy' said the blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited till his billy boiled.'

And the blonde entered Heaven...........

Wonderful Jack. I love your sense of humour

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