Nuns Are Married to God

Bedlam Humour

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a shopping centre. The security guards called 112 when they saw him collapse to the floor. 

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. 

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. 

A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. 

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.  

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." 

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?" 

He replied, "No money in the bank."  

"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the now irritated nun. 

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun." 

The nun became agitated at that and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." 

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

On the Eve of his Wedding...

Bedlam Humour

This was sent in by Joyce Critchlow of Newcastle under Lyme

(From Father): 

My Dear Son,
Today is a day you will treasure for all the days of your life.
My best love and good wishes,
Your Father.


(From Son)

Thanks Dad. But the wedding isn’t actually until tomorrow.

(From Father:) 

I know....

Poem - Daftland

Beldam Humour

Joyce and Roy Critchlow have sent a brill poem

Daftland

We live in a country called Daftland
The England we knew is no more
Where sensible people do ludicrous things
Or risk breaking some Daftland law. 

In Daftland we've police dogs with muzzles
Less the villain has cause to complain
And to steal from a shop and say 'sorry'
Means your free with no stain to your name. 

You had better leave lights on in buildings
When you lock up and go home at night
'cause the burglars might hurt themselves entering
And there's no way you'll be in the right. 

When speaking be wary in Daftland
As some terms that you've used all your life
Now have connotations unintended
And you'll end up in all sorts of strife. 

We elect politicians in Daftland
To give us the laws of the land
Yet eight laws in ten now come from abroad
The whole thing has got out of hand. 

The borders are open in Daftland
And of migrants there's no keeping track
Just a few of the thousands illegally here
Will ever be caught and sent back. 

The exception to this is the hero
Who fought for this land in the war
He's old and he's sick, he might cost us a bit
So he's not welcome here any more. 

When the history is written of Daftland
Historians may just recall
That the craziest people in Daftland
Were the public who put up with it all.