Monday, 31 October 2011

King Arthur and the Witch:

Bedlam Humour

Ed Goldstraw sent in this joke:

King Arthur and the Witch:

 Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a  neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would  perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed  an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend. Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her  own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

 The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a  horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she  appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?
Noble Lancelot said he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

 The moral of the story is.....
 If you don't let a woman have her own way....  Things are gonna get ugly!!!!!!!

Love it, Ed. Thanks.
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Friday, 28 October 2011

The Happy Garden, Moraira - Don't Eat There

Bedlam - view

Yesterday we were in our local resort of Moraira on the Costa Blanca. A lovely place - quiet at this time of year now the tourist season is over.


Whilst there we decided to have a meal and chose one of our favourite restaurants - The Happy Garden.

Whoops - big mistake. I don't know if they have a new chef, but we actually hated the meal.The salt content burned my lips for ages after.

In the past the Vietnamese preparations have been wonderfully light - no MSG in sight. However, yesterday neither of us could finish our meal. The salt content must have been through the roof. I told the head waitress, but all she did was smile and nod congenially. I obviously did not convey the problem - so I screwed my face and made gagging noises. Still no reaction.

I hardly need say that we will NEVER grace the doors of The Happy Garden ever again. Such a shame. I used to rate it very highly, but now, The Happy Garden is off my list forever.

If you do not like over-salted food, I can only advise you to avoid The Happy Garden, Moraira.

Thursday, 27 October 2011

Old Butch

Bedlam Humour


Ed Goldstraw has sent another joke

Old Butch
John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all. When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one..

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully this coming election, the bells are not always audible.

Great stuff, Ed. A truism if ever I read one
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