Joke - How to get to heaven

Bedlam Humour.

Here's a joke from fellow writer, Mark Sadler. Mark, author of 'Blood on His Hands', describes himself as a Brit stranded in the Tucson desert.

How to get to Heaven

The sweet young Sunday-school teacher was testing children in her Dublin class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

She asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?'

'NO!' the children answered.

'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'

Again, the answer was 'NO!'

By now the sweet young thing was starting to smile. 'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?'

Again, they all shouted out, 'NO!'

She was just about bursting with pride for them, so continued, 'Then how can I get into heaven?'

A six year-old boy in the back of the room shouted out, "YUV’ GOTTA’ BE FOOK’N DEAD...."

Good one Mark. Hope you find time to send in more.
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Joke - An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser

Bedlam Humour.

Jack Chambers is responsible for submitting this joke - and brilliant it is, too.

An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar. They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.

They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'

Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.

Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.

When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's A Miracle!'

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. 'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle'

Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says, 'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit'.

Great laugh! Thanks Jack.



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Stan Nicholls at Restaurant Paraiso, Parcent

Bedlam - comment.

It seems that word of one of my favourite eating places, is getting around.... Restaurant Paraiso, on the edge of the tiny inland village of Parcent on the Costa Blanca is to be visited by fantasy writer, Stan Nicholls.

Stan Nicholls, author of numerous fantasy novels, is perhaps best known for the 'Orcs' series and 'Quicksilver' trilogy. The first two novel in the Orcs First Blood series, Bodyguard of Lightning and Legion of Thunder, received best novel nominations at the 1999 British Fantasy Awards - showing the esteem in which Stan Nicholls is held.

So if you're in the area, you know where authors hang out.....

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